How to Connect with Your Child (Even on Busy Days)
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Life as a sandwich generation parent can feel like a blur. We have busy schedules and busy minds. I’m juggling a career, my kids’ needs, increasing responsibilities related to my parents’ care, my marriage, financial planning, appointments, and more. What about you? Our minds are managing the stressors of living and raising kids in a rapidly changing and unpredictable world. If you’re wondering how to connect with your child in the middle of all this chaos, you’re not alone. The good news is that none of us need hours of free time (what is that anyway?), a perfect personality, or a background in child psychology. We just need a few intentional habits woven into our lives.
Before transitioning into the tech world a decade ago, I worked in education. I spent years connecting with kids as a teacher and nanny, all before starting my own family. I’ve found these 8 simple strategies make a big difference in fostering emotional connection with kids, especially your own. Whether you’re parenting a toddler or a teen, they’ll help you build trust, increase closeness, and feel more present.
Follow their lead
If you want to know how to connect with your child, then truly get to know them. Follow their lead, especially while playing or having down time. Children may not always share their interests, thoughts, and feelings verbally, but they will definitely demonstrate them. When you follow their lead, you’re being invited into their inner workings. Accept the invitation!
Does this have benefits for the child? According to this article written by a play specialist, letting kids lead during playtime increases feelings of value and self-worth and may give them a greater sense of purpose. Of course, you want to stay engaged in the play, not just blindly following. This also helps the child build social-emotional intelligence.
Does this have an age-limit? No! Play has lifelong benefits, even though it changes with age. For older kids and teenagers, play may take more shape and become established hobbies, interests and social activities. If you are invited into any of them, accept the invitation more than ever! Or ask for an invitation. If your kid is really into a sport, play it with them sometimes. If they like to socialize with their friends, invite those friends over for a family dinner or weekend BBQ. Sometimes let them choose the music in the car. How is this child-led play? It’s following your kid’s lead, versus asking them to try a sport you did as a kid, or appreciate your music, or spend time with a family member that you all need to see but they don’t particularly connect with. Those are not bad things at all, but they are you-led. So make sure there’s a balance, because child-led play is where you really get to know your kid and enforce that you are interested in who they are!
What if you don’t enjoy following your kid’s lead? That’s normal! After all, you’re different people in totally different stages of life. I recommend time-boxing the play. Setting a timer for 20 minutes of a creative play game they enjoy or an album they’re digging can mean a lot, especially if you do that regularly. For days when you have more time, consider swapping turns. Saturday morning they decide the activity, and Sunday morning you do. This all builds a close relationship and they’ll remember the interest you showed in their interests.
Set aside distraction-free time together
This is very related to the first habit, but it so powerful it’s worth breaking out into it’s own. If you set a timer for 20 minutes to hang out with your kid but they see you responding to text messages, checking out your latest Instagram comment, or folding laundry, then the time together isn’t going to have the same impact. Distraction is going to make it hard to truly connect with your child. Again, you need to live your life! But regularly setting aside time to just be with your child, with no other obligations, will go a long way in deepening your connection. It will also build their self-esteem, as they see they are worth your time. One way to do this is by literally locking your phone up – and if your kids are old enough, their phones too. Have you seen this Kitchen Safe Time Locking Container? It’s in my Amazon cart and I’m very excited to start working this practice into our playtime, and truthfully into larger swathes of my day in general.
Does this mean you always need to be undistracted when spending time with your child? No! That would be unrealistic. But imagine the impact of spending distraction free time, even 20 minutes a day, over 10 years, versus 0 minutes of undistracted time. 20 minutes a day is roughly 50 full 24-hour days of your life. That’s 50 full days of dedicated connection time from one short daily habit alone.
Listen and validate
When my daughter tells me how unfair it is that she can’t get a toy she didn’t even know existed until we walked into the store, or how the teacher gave her a consequence when she insists she didn’t even do anything wrong, it’s tough to just listen. It’s natural to react or start digging for more facts right away: “We don’t just get toys randomly and for no reason.” “What exactly did you do to get a consequence??”
But jumping in too quickly can make kids feel like we’re not truly hearing them. Sometimes they don’t need us to fix or fact-check in that moment. They just need us to acknowledge their feelings first. It also helps to give indicators that we are listening, like maintaining eye contact, nodding along or saying “I see”.
Kids also need to be validated. You don’t have to agree with everything they are saying. However, a simple statement like “You sound super disappointed that you didn’t get the role in the play!” helps build emotional vocabulary and lets them know you hear them. It’s also good to resist the temptation to downplay the emotions, even if those emotions seem unreasonable. Practice taking your kids feelings seriously, because they will pick up on it if you consistently don’t do that, and will turn instead towards people who do!
Connect with fun or novel activities
Sometimes connection happens best when we shake things up. A fun or unexpected activity can create a shared memory that sticks much longer than a routine evening at home. This doesn’t mean you need to book a week at Disney or become a Pinterest-perfect parent. It could be as simple as making cake pops after dinner, going on a night walk with flashlights, or trying out that silly TikTok dance together (even if your child/spouse/dog are laughing at you more than with you).
Novelty works because our brains pay more attention to it. When your child experiences something fun and different with you, that sense of excitement is tied directly to your relationship. These moments become the “remember when?” stories that help build long-term closeness.
Icecream is a classic way to connect with your child!
Give affection
Even as kids grow, they crave affection. To emotionally connect with your child, you’ll also want to physically be there. For little ones, that might look like snuggles on the couch or holding hands while crossing the street. For older kids and teens, affection may shift to a high five, a side hug, or even just sitting close together during a movie. Don’t be discouraged if your teen shrugs off your hug attempt in public. Just keep looking for the smaller ways they’ll accept physical closeness.
When affection becomes a natural part of your family life, it reinforces a sense of safety and love. If you weren’t raised in an especially affectionate household, this might feel a bit foreign at first. That’s okay. Start small and know that even brief, consistent moments of touch can be powerful.
Repair
Every parent blows it sometimes. You snap when you’re tired. You forget to listen. You say “no” in a tone that could rival a drill sergeant. It happens to the best of us! The important part isn’t to parent flawlessly, but to repair when things go sideways.
Repair looks like circling back to your child after a tough moment and saying something like, “I got frustrated earlier and didn’t listen well. I’m sorry. Can we try again?” Repair doesn’t erase mistakes, but it teaches your child that relationships can withstand conflict, apologies matter, and love can survive imperfection. Honestly, modeling repair might be one of the greatest gifts you give your child. And it’s one of the best ways to emotionally connect with your child.
Hold your boundaries
Connection doesn’t mean giving kids everything they want. In fact, strong boundaries are part of what makes kids feel safe. Think about how stressful it would be if there were no guardrails on a winding mountain road. Boundaries work the same way. They provide security.
When you calmly and consistently hold limits (bedtimes, screen time, chores, respect for others), your child learns that your “yes” means yes and your “no” means no. That predictability actually deepens trust. Of course, enforcing boundaries isn’t fun in the moment, but remember you’re not just raising a child, you’re raising a future adult who will need to set and respect limits in their own life.
Share about yourself
Kids sometimes see us only in our “parent role,” but letting them in on little pieces of our own lives can foster connection. Share stories from your childhood, talk about your favorite book as a teenager, or admit that you once bombed a test or got nervous before a big presentation. This helps them realize you’re not some mysterious rule-enforcer but a whole person with feelings, interests, and imperfections.
You don’t need to overshare or burden your child with adult worries, but appropriate self-disclosure builds trust and relatability. Plus, kids love hearing that their parents were once awkward middle schoolers too.
How to Connect with Your Child – Conclusion
Connecting with your child does not require long blocks of free time or picture-perfect parenting. Your relationship is built in small and steady ways. Following your child’s lead, spending distraction free time together, listening without judgement, or even circling back after a mistake all create meaningful bonds. Over the years, these little practices stack up and leave a big impact.
So next time you are caught in the whirlwind of sandwich generation life, remember that connection is not about doing more. It is about being present in small moments. Which of these habits do you want to try this week?
