Protect your parents from being scammed

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A few years back, my husband Jordan got a distressed call from his grandparents (yes, that’s right, grandparents – they’re in their 90s!). They were calling him back after a deeply upsetting conversation. Jordan had apparently contacted them earlier from jail, shortly after being arrested. He had begged them not to tell his mom—it would be too upsetting for her. After a brief explanation, he handed the phone to his lawyer to sort out the details. Bail was set at $10,000.

His grandparents did two smart things, thank goodness. First, they hung up the phone without posting bail. Second, they called my husband’s cell phone. They were worried and shaken by the arrest, but something about the call felt off and Jordan had sounded strange. When they called back, he answered and assured them he was perfectly fine. It had all been a scam. What had happened if they didn’t take a moment to pause and make that phone call? What if Jordan didn’t answer? How many times had this con been successful, with well intentioned family members left feeling violated and their bank accounts drained? It makes my stomach churn to think about.

Those of us in the sandwich generation are uniquely positioned to help protect our parents, and occasionally grandparents, from the myriad scams that target seniors. Scams are on the rise, and in 2023 they cost seniors in the USA 3.4 billion dollars, with a 14% jump in elder fraud complaints from the previous year. None of us want our parents to become part of those statistics. This post will cover types of scams, warning signs, steps we can take to protect our parents from falling victim to them, as well as what to do if your parent has been scammed.

Common Scams Targeting Older Adults

Scammers often target seniors for a few reasons. They are more likely to have cognitive or physical impairments that affect their ability to detect scams, may not be as tech-savvy, tend to be more trusting of authoritative figures, may be lonely, and often have accumulated savings. Here are some of the most common scams making the rounds, even though it’s not an exhaustive list. I use the word “you” to represent the recipient, which for the sake of this post will typically be a parent!

Phone Scams

IRS, Social Security, or Medicare Scams: A call, email, or text message claims you owe taxes or there’s a problem with your Medicare benefits. They’ll demand payment or sensitive information, like Medicare or Social Security numbers.
“The Grandparent Scam”: Like the story I shared, someone is pretending to be a grandchild in trouble so that they can exploit an emotional response.
Robocalls: The callers asks “Can you hear me”, and when the target answers “yes” the scammer records the “yes” and hangs up. They use that recording to do defraud you in some way, like authorizing fraudulent charges.

Tech Scams

Fake Virus Alerts: A pop-up warns that your computer is infected, which it of course is not. There’s a call to action, like installing “antivirus software” or allowing remote access to your device. Victims might provide financial information or download malware that steals sensitive information, which can lead to things like data theft and financial loss.
Phony Tech Support Calls: Imposters claim to be from a well known company like Microsoft and offer to “fix” issues remotely. Once given access, the results are similar to the fake virus scam.

Online & Email Scams

Phishing Emails: Messages supposedly from banks or reputable companies ask you to click a link or enter a password. Nothing good is happening from that click!
Romance Scams: Scammers build fake online relationships to gain trust and then request money. This one is really disturbing because of the multiple levels of distress it causes the victim.
Fake Investments: Too-good-to-be-true opportunities promising high returns.
Charity Fraud: Scammers pose as charities, especially after disasters, asking for urgent donations

In-Person or Home Repair Scams

“In the Neighborhood” Offers: Someone knocks and says they noticed your roof or driveway needs urgent work, and guess what, with upfront payment they’ll fix it! Except, they won’t.

Red Flags to Watch For

Scammers are getting increasingly sophisticated, but there are still some common red flags that can protect your parents from being scammed. Here are a few warning signs to watch for, especially if a call or message catches you off guard:

High-Pressure Tactics: Scammers want you to act fast so you don’t have time to think. They’ll use urgent language like “act now,” “don’t tell anyone,” or “this is your only chance.” The point is to create a sense of panic that can override reason and open wallets.

Requests for Secrecy: A big red flag is when the caller insists you don’t tell anyone. Not your spouse, not your parents, not the authorities. This is meant to isolate you and prevent you from getting a second opinion or help.

Unusual Payment Methods: If someone asks you to pay with gift cards, wire transfers, or cryptocurrency, assume it’s a scam. No government agency will ask for payment this way. Very rarely there may a business reason for a wire transfer, such as sending a down payment on a house. If that’s the case, you should be working closely with their legal support and family. If it’s a surprise that you need to wire money, that’s most definitely a bad thing!

Unfamiliar Contact Info: Getting a call or email from an unknown number or sketchy-looking email address? Don’t trust it. If it’s really someone you know, hang up and call them back on a number you trust.

Why Older Adults Are Targeted

Understanding why these scams work helps us talk to our parents with compassion, not judgement:

Trusting and Polite: Many in older generations were raised to be polite to strangers and answer the phone no matter who’s calling.
Memory or Cognitive Changes: Even early memory issues can make someone more vulnerable.
Digital Fluency: They didn’t grow up with the internet, so spotting phishing emails or fake pop-ups isn’t second nature.
Loneliness: A scammer offering conversation or love may fill a real emotional gap.
Financial Assets: Scammers often assume older adults have retirement savings or home equity.

How to Talk to Your Parents About Scams

This is delicate, I know. You want to protect your parents without treating them like they are helpless.

Choose the Right Moment

Bring it up casually during a quiet time—over coffee or during a walk. Avoid times when your parent is already stressed out or not feeling well.

Use Empathy, Not Authority

Instead of saying, “You need to be careful,” try “These scams are getting so sneaky—I almost fell for one myself!”

Share Your Own Experiences

Mention a phishing text or email you’ve received. It shows that anyone can be fooled. I have plenty of these myself. Even as a tech-savvy software engineer who has read extensively about these scams and knows what to avoid, I’ve almost fallen for them!

I recently got a voicemail from what appeared to be a real collections agency. It was “their last attempt to contact me” and, according to them, they had already contacted my employer. They left their phone number so I could settle that pesky balance. The employer piece made me pause. There was that lab work I kept forgetting to pay…. had it gone to collections? No, it hadn’t. No, they hadn’t called my employer. I had nothing in writing, which is required legally if there’s an attempt to collect a debt. It was a scam! But the emotional part of me wanted to ignore reason, which is the whole reason scammers create that sense of panic and urgency.

Frame It as Teamwork

Phrases like “Let’s keep each other safe” or “These scammers are getting all of us” make it feel collaborative.

Suggested Conversation Starters

“Have you gotten any weird phone calls lately?”
“I read an article about a scam going around, have you heard of it?”
“Can I help you set up some alerts or filters on your phone or email? I’d love to show you an example of a text message and email that looks real but has some red flags”.

Practical Steps to Help Protect Your Parents

Ok, so you’ve got the conversation rolling. Kudos to you, because there’s other things you’d probably rather be doing and also because you are now ahead of the game! Really, how many families are actively having these conversations? But you need actionable tips, so here are concrete ways to protect your parents from being scammed.

Digital Hygiene

Strong Passwords: Help them use long, unique passwords for each account.
Two-Factor Authentication: Adds an extra layer of protection.
Password Managers: Tools like LastPass or 1Password can securely store logins.

Phone Safety

Call-Blocking Apps: Install apps like RoboKiller or Hiya.
Let Unknown Calls Go to Voicemail: Remind them they can always call back.

Email & Internet Tips

Spotting Phishing: Teach them to hover over links, look for typos, and never enter passwords via email.
Avoid Suspicious Downloads: Emphasize not opening unexpected attachments.

Bank & Credit Monitoring

Alerts: Set up text or email notifications for large purchases or transfers.
Credit Freeze: Consider freezing credit to prevent identity theft.
Fraud Alerts: Get an alert if there’s been suspicious activity.

Opt-Out Services

DMA Choice: Reduce junk mail.
National Do Not Call Registry: Fewer robocalls (though not a perfect solution).

Tech Tools

Online credit freezes: Log in to the 3 three major credit bureaus individually: Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion, to set the freezes. This is a free service! It can also be done by phone or mail.
Security Services: Services like EverSafe and LifeLock monitor for fraud, with EverSafe targeted towards protecting seniors and their families.
Install antivirus software: Pick a reputable software so it can detect and remove adware.

What to Do If Your Parent Has Been Scammed

As we’ve mentioned, scams are on the rise, and they are happening to plenty of intelligent seniors who have taken steps to educate and protect themselves. It really can happen to the best of us. So, let’s go over what do if your parent falls victim to a scam.

Stay Calm and Supportive

They may feel embarrassed or ashamed. Let them know they’re not alone. Remember the stats at the beginning of this post, with over 3.4 billion dollars stolen from seniors through scams in 2023?? It takes a lot of people to get to that amount. This is unfortunately a wildly commonplace event.

Report It Right Away

Bank and Credit Card Companies: They all have playbooks for scams, like canceling compromised cards, closing affected accounts, and in some cases, reversing fraudulent transactions.
Local Police or law enforcement: Along with investigating the incident, they may be able to help recover funds.
Insurance: Some homeowner’s insurances have add-ons for identity theft or identity fraud coverage.
Federal Trade Commission: The FTC won’t resolve a particular situation but uses the submitted data to investigate and build cases against offenders. Wildly enough this currently has a banner warning of scams pretending to be them!
Therapist: Sure, this one may sound silly, but being victimized by a scam can be deeply upsetting and even traumatizing, so support is needed.

Stop Further Damage

In addition to the above, you can help your parents to create a credit freeze and change their passwords. The reactions will change a bit based on the type of scam.

I also want to acknowledge that in some cases, very little can be done. For example, in the story I shared, if my grandparents-in-law had wired over $10,000 to a mystery caller, that money would be as good as gone. They could still submit reports to law enforcement and the FTC, but the funds would most likely never be recouped.

Emotional Fallout

Your parents may be anxious, depressed, distrustful and just all around distraught after being scammed. They will need to be supported, comforted, and empowered to feel safer moving forward. Working with a therapist may be really helpful so that you don’t have to shoulder too much of the emotional work.

Protect your parents from being scammed: The Long-Term Protection Plan

Ongoing conversations can be helpful, since scams change and all of us can let our guards down.

Set Up Joint Tech Sessions: Sit together and review their phone or inbox.
Set up a password protector: Help your parents to use secure passwords and set up something like 1Password so that they don’t have to keep track of them! Grandkids are cute but they really shouldn’t be a password.
Review Financial Plans: Make sure everything is updated and secure.
Keep communication open: Besides yourself, have a list of trusted family members or friends that your parents can turn to if they have any doubts about if something is a scam or not.
Remember to never react: Scammers 100% rely on quick reactions to extort their victims. If parents can pause and NEVER give personal or financial information on the spot, then they are much less vulnerable. Time to breathe, de-escalate, research and talk it over with someone will save a lot of heartache.

Conclusion

As someone in the sandwich generation, you’re a caretaker but also a protector. I don’t want you to take on even more responsibilities, when you have enough on your plate. But just like with health, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It’s a whole lot easier to protect your parents from being scammed than to deal with what can be the devastating fallout of falling victim to them!

And to end with some sage advice – if you ever do get arrested, don’t call Grandma and Grandpa to post bail! Call your mom.